I am a 21 year old student. I have studied Buddhism for half a year so far. Since I understand Buddhism, I realize that I have created so many offenses… For example, I liked to kill living beings when I was young… When I was 14 years old (I was in the seventh grade), through the TV programs I saw many sexy images and naturally wanted to see more of such images.
When I entered the university and was away from my family, it got worse with the availability of the internet… I became hooked on the pornographic sites… The more I watched, the more I became captivated… At times, realizing that it adversely affected my studies, I wanted to stop… However, I told myself that it’s no big deal: “I eventually will get bored”.
Unfortunately, I never seem to get enough and it only became worse.
Fortunately, six months ago I encountered Buddhism. I learned about the Pure Land Dharma Door. After watching some rebirth videos, I was very touched. I therefore resolved to recite the Buddha’s name seeking rebirth to the Pure Land and started becoming vegetarian.
A month ago, I ran into trouble. Because of jealousy, my cousin had a disagreement over minor inconsequential issues and stabbed me. The blade broke and made me seriously injured. I am lucky that I am still alive… The incident helped me realize the impermanence of life.
At the moment, my desires are still very heavy… While I know it full well, I can’t help it because there are so many temptations: internet, TV, newspapers… Many of my friends are also in the same boat… We can’t seem to help ourselves when we are in such close contact. Even though it is not as bad as before, my habit energies are still pretty heavy… Now that I like a girl, I can’t seem to get my mind of her.
Is my case severe by normal standards, Venerable Master? Is there a cure for it? I wish I have more samadhi power so that I am less agitated. Please advise!
If reciting the Buddha’s name can eradicate the offenses of 80 hundred millions of kalpas of birth and deaths, can I recite the Buddha’s name in order to erase the karmas that I have created this lifetime? Or does that claim have other hidden meanings?
I am very grateful for your instructions!
Na mo Emituofo!
Thank you for sharing your concerns.
You are doing better than the average people of your age. Why? Because you are aware of your problems when the rest of them are not.
Furthermore, you are going through growing pains. It is natural that during this phase of your life, your hormones are dictating your actions.
Eventually, you’ll outgrow it.
However, it does not hurt to make sure that you are on firmer footing and ascending in the right direction.
To put it simply, the fastest way for you to get there is to learn to meditate.
Find a competent, Chan meditation teacher to guide you. Your objective is to enter samadhi as soon as possible. Once you can reach samadhi, your desires will naturally lessen and become lighter. You’ll then have more control over your hormones.
More specifically, you need to reach at least First Dhyana in order to have more self-control. May I suggest that you recite Guan Yin Bodhisattva’s name when you meditate? It will help tone down your desires. It also helps to bow to the Bodhisattva to help eradicate your offenses as well.
Finally, it is true that reciting the Buddha’s name can eradicate 80 hundred million kalpas of offenses. However, not everyone can. Only those with very high levels of samadhi can do so. Regardless, for people like us, it can still eradicate a lot of offenses proportionally to our samadhi level. You are right: there is no free lunch! It is not that easy! By the way, reciting Guan Yin’s name can also assure rebirth to the Pure Land.