수행자의일기: 이선미 Cultivator’s Diary: Seon-Mi Lee
11월30일달마톡을듣고 November 30, 2019. After listening to Master’s Dharma talk:
It was the last Dharma talk of the FoQi Buddha’s name recitation retreat. When Master said, “Please share your FoQi experience,” many people shared their gratitude. Someone said that it was just a lot of suffering, but there was one Korean cultivator who said that she received homework from Master back in April to sit for 3 1/2 hours. She came to FoQi so she could ask about what is next.
Wow, 3 1/2 hours.
I also want to work hard and get used to sitting for 3 1/2 hours. My vow to meet Master after being able to sit for 3 1/2 hours comfortably has become firmer. One day I want to take an airplane and go to the USA to meet Master so that I can ask what I need to do next.
12월1일 December 1
결가부좌수행1시간57분Full lotus sitting: 1 hour and 57 minutes
호흡관1시간Breathing: 1 hour
능엄신주만트라30분Shurangama Mantra: 30 minutes
아미타불염불12분Amitabha’s name recitation: 12 minutes
능엄신주독송10분Shurangama Mantra: 10 minutes
오늘은 어제의 아쉬움을 만회하고자1시간50분 알람을 맞춰놓고 시작했다. (어제3시좀전에식사를마쳤는데 이후부터 꽁깍지차만 두 컵정도 마시고 오후불식을 해보았다.)
1시간25분 즘 넘어가며 다리부터 떨리기 시작했다.
Today I wanted to do better than yesterday, so I set the alarm for 1 hour and 50 minutes. (Yesterday I finished my meal around 3:00 p.m. and drank two cups of tea only). My legs started to shake after 1 hour and 25 minutes.
My shoulders started to feel sore. I put my palms together, and my palms and shoulders started to shake a little. If I was holding the shaman’s bell, the bell would really shake and make sound. I felt a little scared.
Venerable XianAn already told me that there’s no need to feel afraid and that I should let the shaking happen. Master HsuanHua said that shaking helps shake off the stupidity. While I reminded myself what Venerable XianAn told me, I continued to concentrate on the Shurangama Mantra recitation. After 5 minutes, the shaking of my arms calmed down. Not long after, my hands and head also calmed down.
As the time passed, the pain in the right foot and hip went down, but my left foot was hurting a lot. Because I had fasted since yesterday and resolved to sit longer, I was able to bear this pain longer. Since my left foot has had many problems since childhood, when the pain started there, it was expected. The pain was increasing, but my head was more and more clear and my excessive thoughts were reduced. I felt that I could sit longer if I could bear the left foot pain. I was able to push 7 minutes longer than my original plan.
Today I thought of my parents. I prayed for them to be able to accrue more blessings for the rest of their lives because they have struggled to survive. Na Mo Amitabul Gwan Sae Um Bo Sal (This is Korean pronunciation of Na Mo Emitofou Guanyin Pu Sa)
Liz’s experience of Chan meditation since 2016. How it changed her life and people around her (overcoming depression)
My name is Lizbeth, I'm 38 years old, and I'm Native American from the Yaqui tribe. My mother was born in Sacramento and she's Yaqui and Norwegian and my father is a US citizen born in Mexico, he's descended from Spanish and Huichol (an Indigenous tribe native). He and my mom separated when I was a child. I have a 16 year old son named Takoda and he meditates too.
The difficulties I was trying to overcome, initially, was depression. At that time I was going through a divorce. My mom has bipolar depression and my little sister is handicapped and she was trying to fight us all the time and I take care of both of them. My son is a kind and understanding person but even he was being affected by all that was going on and he was getting lower grades in school. His teachers praised his good manners they just wished he applied himself more to his studies. I was having great difficulties with getting my thoughts and emotional reactions under control. I would cry when I was alone in my car. I didn't like being short tempered and sometimes I was not sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping too much, taking too many naps and feeling fatigue. I had a knee injury and and low back pain. I was overall unhappy with my life.
I started Chan meditation in 2016. I was walking in the park with my son and saw someone was putting a sign, ‘Chan Meditation in the Park’. I asked how much she would charge for the class. She said “it’s free.”. That’s how everything started!
At first, when I began sitting in full lotus and meditating on Amituofo, I felt the healing in my body. My knee healed up quickly and my lower back didn't hurt as much. A few months later I was sitting for an hour, daily, and I was feeling well rested. Soon my insomnia was gone and I was getting a full night’s sleep. I also didn't need as much sleep to feel well rested. Little by little I began to notice my thoughts were more focused and I wasn't angry or depressed, I was able to think clearly. I no longer react quickly in response to other people’s actions. I'm more patient and tolerant of everyone including myself. My little sister is calmer around me and is easily made peaceful. She doesn't try to fight with me anymore. My mom's bipolar depression isn't as bad as it used to be and she's more open to taking advice from me about her own health. Even my son’s grades in school have improved. I'm more supportive of him and he started meditating too.
My spirituality comes from Native American Traditions. It's not a religion but a way of life. It's very inclusive and tolerant of other people’s faith. I relate many of the spiritual leaders from the past as Holy men and women who were born to teach us something and it is up to us to pick up those teachings and utilize them or not. I choose to utilize Chan as part of my self-care and actually helps me improve the way I take care of others.
Chan mediation helped me improve on so many levels but if I were to choose one thing that it helped me the most with, it would be, with my mind, and the ability to organize my thoughts. I no longer feel so scattered about my choices and decisions. I enrolled in college and got accepted into the Honors Program. I no longer worry about living up to other people’s expectations of me. I see clearly where I've wasted so much time on worrying about things that will most likely never happen. And I'm enjoying life's precious moments on a deeper level than before.
Written by Venerable XianAn, Wei Mountain Temple
I remember when I first started seeing Juan at Lu Mountain Temple about 2 years ago. Back then I was so busy, I wasn’t able to talk with him much, but I remember that he always worked around the temple even during lunchtime while everyone else was enjoying the food. One day I asked him, “Why don’t you come and join the lunch with everyone?” He said, “I don’t want to spend my blessings. I want to work and help the temple.”
Unlike me, Juan always worked hard at the temple and then quietly went back home. He did that regularly, maybe once or twice a week. He politely refused to have lunch and continued to work.
Today I saw him sitting in full lotus during Master YongHua’s sutra lecture. He didn’t move or make any sound for the entire 2 hours, and his face looked peaceful. I wanted to find out how cultivation has changed his life, so I invited him to have a conversation.
Juan was born in 1981 in Guadalajara, Mexico, and his family moved to the U.S. when he was only 8 years old. He is a vocational nurse, has been married for 11 years, and has no children. He grew up in a typical Mexican family going to Catholic church. Until he turned 17 years old, he went to church every weekend with his family.
However, he had been very self-destructive in his 20’s. He wore his hair long like a rock musician, with large tattoos on his body, and he often drank alcohol and smoked. He spent his time hanging out with friends at music concerts. Like a lot of young adults in the U.S., he did various kinds of drugs too.
He had no direction in his life but didn’t want to return to the Catholic church. He felt that the church didn’t provide any realistic solutions for his problems. There were also parts of the sermon with which he did not agree. Therefore, he decided to try Buddhist temples.
He did some internet research and found a Japanese Buddhist church. He went to this church every week for a year, but he didn’t experience any realistic or practical changes in his life. There were no actual monks or meditation class. The church members were not observing precepts. They were eating meat, and they smoke and drank. He decided to stop going because he wanted to find a place that practiced more principles. About a year later, he learned about Lu Mountain Temple, saw some photos, and liked what he saw.
When Juan first visited Lu Mountain Temple, he was nervous. It was during the Chan Qi meditation retreat. He saw people were sitting in full lotus in the Buddha hall, so he naturally sat in full lotus too. He experienced intense pain but was able to sit for about 30 minutes that day. When he learned that Master Yonghua gave a daily Dharma talk in the evening, he decided to stay for the talk. He felt a strong connection with Master YongHua’s Dharma, and it made a strong impression on him when Master said that we can all become Buddha, regardless of who we are or where we come from.
He decided to help out around Lu Mountain Temple to generate more blessings as he had learned during the Dharma talk. His hope was that these blessings could help him transcend beyond worldly life.
Juan has meditated daily ever since, and within 3 months, he was able to sit for more than one hour. His life has drastically changed due to this daily meditation. He naturally stopped drinking, and the anger arising in his mind has significantly reduced. Just a few months of meditation and volunteering at the temple has brought him peace of mind! He has become a better son and brother.
Within 6 months, he officially became a Buddhist, took refuge under Master YongHua, and received the Five Precepts. Following this, his life changed even more. One of the biggest changes was that he started taking his cultivation seriously. Juan started sitting in full lotus for at least 2 hours every day. He was more aware of his environment and the people around him. He became a better nurse by having more patience while listening to his patients, by helping them be more comfortable and happy. His life had become more meaningful...but there was a drawback. Since he began caring for his patients with sincerity and a more open heart, his health had begun to decline. As a nurse, he had been engaging in meddling—interfering with the karmic debts of the sick people he was treating.
He sought the counsel of Venerable Xian Jie and was told about the Medicine Master Dharma. Juan learned that he could improve his health, career, and cultivation by creating more Medicine blessings, so he requested a Medicine Master plaque. Amazingly, he didn’t feel sick quite as often, and his physical health significantly improved immediately. He also noticed that he was more mentally stable at his work.
Juan has even thought of leaving the home life. He is very grateful to Venerable Xian Jie for helping with his cultivation. Juan is just another example of how our temple community is very international, with a great mix of cultures. My hope is that he would attain fruition in his cultivation in the near future.
A Silicon Valley Scientist, Aravind's FoQi Experience in FoQi, Buddha's Name Recitation Retreat at Wei Mountain Temple.
Aravind came to Wei Mountain Temple and stayed for one week to participate FoQi Buddha’s name recitation retreat. FoQi literally means “Buddha Seven” and this is a #PureLand Dharma door to recite #Amitabha Buddha’s name all day. FoQi schedule is very hard. It starts at 4am and participants attend ceremonies and Buddha's name recitation all day until 10pm.
My name is Aravind Natarajan (male, 41yr). I work as a data scientist at #Fitbit, which is a health and wellness tech company in San Francisco. I grew up in India, and came to the U.S. to pursue my doctorate in Physics, and then as a research scientist. I later got interested in data science, machine learning, and artificial intelligence, and came to the bay area.
I got interested in Buddhism because I found Buddhist prayers to be peaceful, and I liked the message of non-violence, and compassion towards all living beings. In 2014, I volunteered as an English teacher for a short time at a Buddhist monastery in Ladakh (Ladakh is in India, but very close to Tibet), organized by the #Avalokitesvara Trust, and it was my first experience in a Buddhist environment. I later went to Japan on a research trip, and got the chance to visit Kamakura including the Hase Kannon temple and the famous Amida Daibutsu statue. Closer to home, in Ukiah, we have the large and beautiful City of Ten Thousand Buddhas with peacocks and deer. I found that I liked the chanting at CTTB and joined in when I could. I also like to attend the Saturday morning service at the Berkeley monastery.
When I started at Fitbit nearly 2 years ago, we had mindfulness classes at the company that I attended every week. They were pleasant, but I felt there was more to meditation, and started looking for a good book for beginners. That was how I found Master's Chan book which is an excellent resource for beginning students. I feel lucky to have met Master and his lay and monastic disciples at a #meetup event in San Francisco where Master spoke more about meditation and its ability to improve our physical and mental well-being, and to make us better human beings.
I participated in a 3 day #Amitabha recitation retreat at the Berkeley Monastery during Vesak (#Shakyamuni Buddha's birthday) this year. Last year, I went to the 3 day Amitabha recitation retreat during Thanksgiving, also at the Berkeley #Monastery. CTTB organizes Guan Yin name recitation retreats three times a year, and I attended these sessions on Sundays and Saturdays. The #FoQi at Wei Mountain #Temple was the first time I participated in a 7 day retreat, and the first time I stayed at the temple during the retreat.
When the first day concluded, I was extremely tired and had to drag myself downstairs even to brush my teeth - I was wondering what I had signed up for, and how I could finish the week! I got used to the schedule after a couple of days. Interestingly, I found it easier as the week progressed. Towards the end, I found myself having much more energy than usual, even though I was eating less and sleeping a lot less! The #recitations and meditation sessions help us attain a peaceful state of mind. I benefited greatly from the retreat and encourage everyone to give it a try.
At Fitbit, I worked on a project to investigate how the heart rate, breathing, and skin conductance change during #mindfulness experiences. Here is a photo of me, meditating while being connected to a machine that measures these different bio-signals.
The transformation of the mind and body from sitting in full lotus for over one hour. Billy Tiet’s experience.
Billy Tiet is a regular volunteer at Lu Mountain Temple and Wei Mountain Temple. He started to come to the temple regularly since two years ago. He is a heavy smoker and he is his only own boss. Nobody can tell him what to do. He often fires his own boss at work and he is very proud of himself doing so. But because of his bad temper, his life has not been easy.
He is a single dad. Since he separated from his wife, his younger daughter chose to stay with her dad. He was always worried how to support his young daughter. Since he can’t hold his job for a long time, he constantly had to struggle to look for a new job and pay the bills.
His health was bad too. He smokes cigarettes heavily and didn’t eat much. He was skinny and had back pain too. He also had heart problem. He always felt so tired and not motivated to work hard at his job.
He once stopped by Lu mountain temple many years ago. When he was troubling for his life and his health was getting worse, he remembered the temple. He decided to visit the temple again about 2 years ago. When he first started coming to Lu Mountain Temple more often, he wasn’t really putting much efforts to sit in full lotus. He only listens to Dharma talks and cleaned around the kitchen, washed the dishes and helped around whenever he had chance.
Billy started sitting in meditation for 10~20 minutes only and listened to Master’s dharma talks. It already helped him a lot. He was able to worry less and his health was getting much better just being around temple more often. He continued to help around when we started to do more activities at Wei Mountain Temple too.
One day, he walked into the Buddha Hall before the lunch time. Like he always did, he bowed three times to the Buddha. One of the nuns shouted at him, “You come back here, and sit!”. This was out of his expectation. He didn’t have chance to think or say no. “oh okay.. let me go and bow to Master Hsuan Hua’s altar too. I will come back”.
So he came back to Buddha hall. He sat in full lotus. The nun asked “how long can you sit? What’s the longest time you sat in full lotus?”. Billy said “10 minutes .. maybe 15 minutes”
The nun firmly said “okay from now on, you don’t unbuckle, you hear me? I will do the lunch offering and I will be back. You don’t unbuckle until I say so. okay?”. Billy replied “okay”
The nun finished the offerings and sat right next to him. He already sat for about 20 minutes. Billy started complaining about the pain. “I am sweating. I can’t do any longer, Something is poking my heart!” The nun says “is that so? it’s normal. just sit. don’t unbuckle”
After another 10 minutes, Billy said “my arms are feeling numb. I can’t move.. my back hurts”. The nun says “oh is that so? that’s normal. Keep sitting. You don’t unbuckle until I say so”
He really was in pain. But the nun wouldn’t turn her head. She was staring at him the entire time. The nun told him “Do you love your daughter? How old are you now?”, “I am 48 years old”, “Your daughter is still young. Don’t you want to get better and stay healthy until your daughter grows up?” and he said “yes of course I do”, “well then you have to sit. You have to learn to get better. you hurt so much because your body is sick”
The nun continued “It’s already lunch time. You know I don’t have dinner so I am very hungry so you should be grateful that I decided to stay and watch you. I am still here to help you so you better not unbuckle. You are almost done so just endure!”
When he sat for one hour, suddenly his face looked brighter. He was calmer and better. The nun said “okay now you can unbuckle. Do it very slowly and make sure that your legs feel normal before you walk downstairs so you don’t fall”
Billy was a different person after the sitting. The next day Billy came back to the temple and told us “I feel different. My body feels stronger. Legs were sore for a while but I had so much more energy. I wasn't tired at work anymore, I was motivated to work harder the next day after the one hour sitting.”
Billy said that he was feeling more energetic every day ever since the one hour sitting. Even when he can sleep less hours at night, he wasn’t feeling tired or sleepy the next day. He is much happier and his mood is better. He always felt that his problems are not from him. They are all from other people. But from that day of sitting in much pain, he doesn’t care as much when people give him problems. His temper got better and he feels much more at ease.
Billy came back to the Buddha hall and sat for over one hour and fifteen minutes the next day. His daughter says she is proud of her daddy!