Bodhi Light International
  • Home
  • Events
    • Upcoming Events
    • Live Stream
    • Temple Activities
    • FoQi
    • ChanQi
    • Online Classes
    • Relics
  • Calendar
  • Dharma
    • Download Audio & Slides >
      • Sutra Lectures >
        • Avatamsaka Sutra
        • Six Patriarch Sutra
        • Heart Sutra
        • Vajra Sutra
        • Amitabha Sutra
        • Earth Store Sutra
        • Medicine Master Sutra
        • The Bequeathed Teaching Sutra
        • The Sutra in 42 Sections
      • Dharma Talks Archive
      • Chan Meditation Archive
      • Fo Qi Archive
      • Chan Qi Archive
      • Outreach Archive
    • Ceremonies
    • Dharma Blog
    • Q&A
  • Practices
    • Practices
    • Training Program
    • Cultivation Stories
  • Publications
    • Publications
    • Chan Handbook
    • Pure Land Handbook
  • About
    • Statement of Faith
    • Location
    • Contact
    • Master YongHua
    • Contribution
    • Sponsorship
  • Languages
    • Tiếng Việt
    • 한국어
    • 中文首页
    • Español
    • Portuguese

Friend or Foe?

6/4/2012

 
Picture

​In a previous lifetime, Ananda was once a newly appointed king who had so many people in his court asking favors of him, that he came and asked a wise cultivator, who was a previous incarnation of the Buddha, “How can I recognize whether someone is a friend or a foe?” 

The Buddha then gave him the following list of sixteen deeds that reveal when someone is your foe:
  1. When they see you, they neither smile,
  2. Nor do they welcome you or look towards you.
  3. Generally, they prefer to say no to you.
  4. They honor your enemies,
  5. And do not care for your friends.
  6. They stop those who praise you from doing so,
  7. And they praise and encourage those who slander you, especially those who slander you behind your back.
  8. They do not tell you their secrets,
  9. But they betray your secrets, telling them to others.
  10. They never speak well of you,
  11. And they never praise your wisdom.
  12. They do not rejoice at your welfare,
  13. But only rejoice when people speak ill of you.
  14. If they receive some delicacies, they will not think of sharing them with you.
  15. They never pity you,
  16. And they do not publicly state that they are friends with you.

“If you see or hear someone perform any of these sixteen deeds,” the Buddha told the king, “then he or she is your foe, and not your friend.” The Buddha then continued by giving the king a corresponding list of deeds that indicate someone is your friend:
  1. When they see you, they smile.
  2. They think of you when you are absent, and they delight in seeing you when you return, welcoming you with their voice.
  3. They often say yes to you.
  4. They never honor your enemies,
  5. And love to serve your friends.
  6. They stop those who slander you from doing so,
  7. And they commend those who praise you.
  8. They tell you their secrets,
  9. And they will never betray your secrets.
  10. They always speak well of everything you do,
  11. And they love to praise your wisdom.
  12. When they hear of your good fortune, they are happy,
  13. And they suffer when others speak ill of you.
  14. Should they receive some delicacy, they immediately think to share it with you.
  15. They pity you,
  16. And if you are hurt, they would cry for you, saying, “Oh, my poor friend.”

To this list, I might add that a friend will not speak ill of you to others behind your back, and will only point out your flaws to you privately, in person.

Although it can be helpful to know who our friends are and who our enemies are, it is important to remember that, from the Buddhist’s perspective, we should not grasp at either friends or foes.

Someone wonders what if there are people who sometimes do the deeds of a friend, and sometimes those of a foe? In this case, you may have to trust your gut feeling as to which of their actions are most significant. And ultimately, time will tell who is a true friend and who is a true foe. There is a Vietnamese proverb: “You need to stay up late to know how long the night is.” In other words, when you know someone long enough, you will become very familiar with how they act, which ultimately is the best indicator of their true character.

Another person asks: “According to Buddhism, isn’t everyone your friend?” Answer: “No! The demons are not your friends. If you recognize a demon, run!” Very often your closest friends, those who you depend on the most, turn out to be demons that obstruct your cultivation.

When you recognize your enemy, do you run? Actually, that’s not what a good cultivator would do. Rather, one should draw near one’s enemies and try to help them become better people. For instance, do you want to know how to help those who are two-faced and deceptive? You have to draw near them and be prepared to let them hurt you.

The Buddha himself is a good example of this. Just before the he became enlightened, and after the he defeated the demon king’s armies, the demon king sent his beautiful daughters to tempt the Buddha. But the Buddha quickly turned them away by pointing out that they are no more than “stinking skin bags”. As a result, the demon king became curious how the Buddha could remain unmoved by all his attacks and temptations, and he went to visit the Buddha, wondering whether the Buddha knew something that he did not. The Buddha took this opportunity to speak Dharma for the demon king, who was then able to attain First Stage Arhatship. Here we see how, by patiently enduring his attacks, the Buddha was eventually able to help the demon king. Thus, sometimes you have to let people hurt you before you can teach them. There is a price to pay for helping others. 

    Archives

    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009

    RSS Feed

RELATED LINKS

Temple Locations
MahaStupa


​
​© 2010 – 2023 Chanpureland.org 

Subscribe

Join our mailing list today!
Join Now
Photo used under Creative Commons from mathias-erhart
  • Home
  • Events
    • Upcoming Events
    • Live Stream
    • Temple Activities
    • FoQi
    • ChanQi
    • Online Classes
    • Relics
  • Calendar
  • Dharma
    • Download Audio & Slides >
      • Sutra Lectures >
        • Avatamsaka Sutra
        • Six Patriarch Sutra
        • Heart Sutra
        • Vajra Sutra
        • Amitabha Sutra
        • Earth Store Sutra
        • Medicine Master Sutra
        • The Bequeathed Teaching Sutra
        • The Sutra in 42 Sections
      • Dharma Talks Archive
      • Chan Meditation Archive
      • Fo Qi Archive
      • Chan Qi Archive
      • Outreach Archive
    • Ceremonies
    • Dharma Blog
    • Q&A
  • Practices
    • Practices
    • Training Program
    • Cultivation Stories
  • Publications
    • Publications
    • Chan Handbook
    • Pure Land Handbook
  • About
    • Statement of Faith
    • Location
    • Contact
    • Master YongHua
    • Contribution
    • Sponsorship
  • Languages
    • Tiếng Việt
    • 한국어
    • 中文首页
    • Español
    • Portuguese